Unemployment: The Breaker of Souls

I tried to file my unemployment claim online. They said I still had a claim open (which I do not) and that I had to call. I have been holding for exactly an hour now. I unloaded the dishwasher, loaded it again, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the living room, and I am still waiting! I cannot wait to move out of this state.

Plus, I've had to listen to their annoying menu fifty times.

You must report all gross wages while you are collecting, no matter house gross it is. Did you;

Work in a morgue and touch dead people?
Clean up roadkill on the Merritt Parkway?
Sell an organ?
Prostitute yourself in any way?

To prevent errors that may result in over-payment, please be accurate [I just lost my job and you want me to be worried about being over-paid?]

Because of high volume, you can call us back at the end of the week. However, this may delay you receiving your benefits or make you ineligible. [What?!]

Violation of any of these rules, or the one's that will be sent to you in a convenient 800 page manual, may result in;

• Termination of benefits
• Eviction from the state of CT
• Sterilization
• Indentured Servitude